Upside the head with a 2x4

I had this youth leader in middle school who perfectly brought to picture what happens when God uses happenings in our daily life to bring our attention to something He wants to teach us. She called these our "2x4 moments."

Basically, I want you to see in your mind our great, wonderful Father (however you picture him - clad in white with flowing hair, or big and burly with a manly, Tom Selleck-esque mustache...no judgment) picking up a 2x4 piece of wood and giving it a grand old swing aimed right at the back of your head.

"Like being hit upside the head with a 2x4" is still how I find it best to describe these super hind-sight obvious instances where I have just a total fallen nature, human moment. And let me tell you, this week was one of those.

Our house officially sold today! Throw up all the praise hand emojis, please! Thank you, Lord. This is something that I, as well as so many others (you know who you are, thank you!!!!) have been hardcore praying for. It's been a bit of a financial weight on mine and Adam's shoulders, and it feels so good to be rid of - the weight, not the house. I will continue to mourn leaving my little yellow home behind. But anyway...

I had been praying and looking forward to closing for nearly two months now - praying that the sale would go through and looking forward to the sweet relief of it. It had been perfect timing - we would stop paying a mortgage one month before we would have to start paying rent again, no overlap. Perfect! But just two days ago, it seemed that it wasn't going to happen. A few minor issues came up right at the last minute.

 I'd like to say I handled the stress with grace and even more faith, but no. I crumpled. I had a full-grown woman (ha! yeah right) meltdown. I was literally crying on mother's shoulder with a box of tissues in my hands. All of a sudden, the thing I had been trusting God for, praying with faith for, and which had been so wonderfully in His timing, seemed to be falling to pieces. All the "what ifs" and "I can't handles" and "what are we going to do!s" came rushing back into my mind.

And that's when it hit me, with snot and tears freely flowing, that 2x4 out of nowhere, right upside the head. I was seeing stars and God was gently prodding me, "What happened to letting me handle this?"

His quiet whisper, "I am bigger than these details. I am bigger than your finances. I am bigger than your fears. I've got this. I've got you."

And He brought to mind what I told my dad when we bought that house. I remember telling him it was a total God thing. We needed space for ourselves, our pups, and we wanted a home of our own to use for ministry. We weren't even looking for it and God dropped that dream right in our laps in the form of that little yellow house. And I told my dad, I wasn't the least bit worried about buying it because God led us to it. And I knew that whenever He led us away, He'd take care of selling it too.

Granted, that day came a whole lot sooner than I ever imagined. But throughout the whole process, God had been working some major miracles in things that only solidified my faith that He would take care of it. And yet, here I was, going to pieces and worrying over things that I couldn't change, things that I could do nothing about, asking where God was and why He wasn't working on our behalf.

Like I said, His words were gentle but the reminder was solid. He had it handled.

Now, the results could have been completely different. The sale could have not gone through. We might have still owned a house today. But that wouldn't have meant that God was any less involved. It just might not have looked like what I imagined. He may not have done it my way.

Nevertheless, God's got me. My 2x4, this seemingly super simple truth, we're talking basic Christianity stuff here, was to hold on to that faith. Because even when especially when things are out my control and I can't see an answer or a solution, God is still there. He's still bigger. He's more than capable. And He's still got me.

"...God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'
So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.'"
- Hebrews 13: 5,6

Thoughts on going back to school

I remember graduating with my undergrad and thinking how I was sooooo done. The often asked, "thinking of going for your masters?" was quickly stifled with a "oh, heck no." And that was only two years ago! Well, a lot can change in two years I suppose.

So hear I am. Back in school. Again.

Now before I continue, let me tell you, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be in school again. Over the last two years, my desire to teach has grown and grown and here I am finally being able to go after it. That makes me so happy!

However the actuality of studying, being slowly flattened under a ginormous load of required reading, and racking my brain for the precise words I need in order to properly convey my ideas in a paper - yeah, those suck. I have been quickly reminded why I said I was "sooooo done."

But, it's what has to be done. Hard work makes the dream work, right?

Let me tell you this as well, there were a number of general education classes that I managed to avoid in my undergraduate degree. I was able to skirt the system and take something a little more enjoyable. That has come back to bite me right in the tukus.

Yep, I'm talking about you, biology. I'm talking about you.

So with that in mind, here are a few of my (quite literal) thoughts on returning to school.

"Why? Why? Why??? WHY????? WHY!!!!!!!!"

"I cannot read one. more. single. page." ...50 pages later... "not another one!"

"I'm an idiot. I can't do this. That's it. I'm done. No more. Screw teaching."
Takes a break, wanders through the isles of Walmart. Get's a milkshake.
"Okay, I got this. I CAN do this. This will be worth it!"

"I am never going to have a social life again."

When seeing that biology is actually applicable to everyday life. "Did you know...." And continuing to inform my husband about everything I can remember concerning the growth patterns of plants. 
...as this has happened numerous times, "Wow, I guess biology is actually important."

"I'm gonna fail. I don't get this. I am going to FAIL!" ...gets a 94. "See!!!????"

"Hmmmm, this is why I've seen great declines in my stress levels the last few years. I haven't been expected to regurgitate 300 pages of reading in 20 questions."

And side note, "Could we please stick to questions that are actually important!?"

Watching Grey's Anatomy and telling everyone, "I know what that means!!!!" And again, going on to explain in as much detail as I can recollect. 

"This program is going to take me how long!!!????"

"Think about the children. Just think about the children."

"I can do this, right? Yes. Yes, I can."

So anyway, if you don't hear from me for a while, I'm probably reading a textbook.
And repeating my mantra of "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can." :)

Taking it back to Curacao

...and taking it back to the end of May...

My first vacation of the summer (yes, that's right, there have been and will be more) was to the island of Curacao with my mom, dad, and brother. It was a dive vacation for the guys. They had both recently gotten their diving permit/license/sorry dad, whatever you call it, and were excited to experience the reefs up close and personal. It was a "relax in the sun and work on our tan" vacation for my mom and I. All such goals were met plus a whole lot of fun.

We visited so many different beaches and they were all spectacular. The inland terrain was not what we were quite expecting. It's pretty much desert, with lots of cacti and low shrubs, not much green and a whole bunch of sand. However, it had a beauty all it's own.

Some favorite experiences and places?

• Shete Boka National Park - so hot, but pretty cool. The park is along the northern coast of the island which is very treacherous due to the winds and currents that hit the coastline. The water has created some very interesting formations in the rocks including a natural bridge and a hole that spits the waves into the air. 
• Batidos - fruit smoothies! Seriously, you've never had a smoothie this good. There are stands all over the island selling this deliciously cool treat. Watermelon is my flavor of choice. 
• Hato Caves - we took a guided tour through these caves. Again, it has some really cool formations. At one point the tour guide turns off the guide lights so you can experience how dark it really is. And we got to see a whole bunch of bats! 
• Watching my brother attempt to navigate an island with not so exact maps and poorly placed (or not placed) street signs. Very entertaining. Although to his credit, I gave it a try too and didn't have much more success. 
• "Discovering" and exploring an abandoned building on the side of a cliff and later finding out it was a quarantine hospital. The bricked off upper floors should have given us a clue...so far we have not experienced any adverse affects.
• Discover Scuba Diving - since dad and Jordan were having all the fun diving, I decided to do a discover scuba class. The instructor began by showing us the basics of all the gear and how to use it. Then we got to try it out - underwater! Breathing underwater was a little freaky at first, and I'm not a huge fan of interacting with water creatures, but all in all it was really interesting. I'd do it again. 

All thanks goes to my dad for planning a pretty epic vacation :) And as always, please enjoy some pictures.